"iz yooz a elfses?" Erg's story

[erg]

Sum gitz don't like it when dey's not wif deir folkses....but not me! I dunno where me mumses and dadses is, but I don't need em! I gotz da bestest uncas ever!

I r'member ridin' on da big boatses on da big water.....den da sky got all dark like an' loud an' da sky water came down real hard like.....mumses and dadses wuz puttin' me in a barrel, tellin' me ta stay dere if I knows wots gud for me. I gotz knocked around in dat ting....I wuz scareded but not really....den I don't r'member nuffin after dat till I waked up in da barrel.

When I waked up, I wuz on da big boat place in da bestest funnest place ever! Dere wuz all kinda neat tings! Dere wuz a big rock lobbaz, an' big big buildin'z wif all kinda orky stuffs on 'em!

An den I see'd da biggest orcses I ever saw'd! He wuz bigger dan da biggest! I know'd he mussa been da big boss 'ere coz he wuz big! He see'd me and sed "Hullo dere lil one...what yooz doin 'ere?"....well he sez'd it all kinda proper like, better dan wot how I sez stuff....dat'z coz he'z smart like.

I sez'd to him "OI! Yooz a big un! Iz yooz da boss 'ere?" An' he lafted an' lafted....he sez "yar, yooz can sez dat. Where's yer mumses and dadses?"

Dat's when I lookted around.....I ain't see'd em no wherez.....I sez to da big nob "Idunno, dey wuz on da big boat wif me when da sky got all dark like an' loud....dey put me in da barrel ting an den I waked up 'ere jus' now"

"Zatso?" he sez, an' I sez "Yar!".....den he tellz me his name iz Schlitzie an' I wuz in da place called Solheimer an' dat dis wuz da homeland fer orcses and humies and trollses an udda folkses but dat elfses ain't let in coz dey taked it one time in da long-ago....and dat I could call dis home if I wantz to....

so I do! I gotz da bestest unca's ever coz dey all run da place! Dey's da biggest and da bestest! an when I gets all growed up, I'm gonna be even bigger dan Unca Schlitz, louder dan Unca Chu, cazyer dan Unca Mean, an' smarter dan Unca Zek! But Unca Schlitz iz da bestest....he lets me sleep in da Orcholme where he stayz...it'z da big buildin' dat lookz all orky like wif a big mowf!!!

I'z gonna be da biggest an' da baddest! oh an' I run da gardses...but I let Anty Ame tink she doez coz she'z nice an stuff.

Dem elfses and sissy-faesez better not try ta taked dis land no more....or I'z gonna fling poo on em!

[amethyst]

ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!! OH you wonderful little orc you! I have no doubt that in time you shall be as big, loud, crazy, and smart as your uncles. I hope you are as honorable as they are too. Thank you for saying i'm nice and stuff....I temper strength with understanding and I listen to people giving them the chance to show their true colors. A lesson you need to learn if you want to be captain of the guard someday. Wink...

[zekeen]

That is probably the most GLORIOUS peice of literature I have EVER read hahahahha

[inuchan]

Rawr! Very nice story. Dont do well with the young ones but as long as I am not hungry things will go well.

[Solanghe]

Oh you darling! Have one of your Uncles bring you to me for a visit; I have tasty candies made of sweet herbs and honey just for you!

[erg]

solanghe said:

Oh you darling! Have one of your Uncles bring you to me for a visit; I have tasty candies made of sweet herbs and honey just for you!

Erbz? honey? BLEH!!!! FOOEY!!!! Yooz a elfses in disguise an' wantz ta poisonz me afore I gitz bigger an' stompz ya, ain'tcha!

[Solanghe]

Oh My! I seem to have made a blunder...I thought all young ones liked sweets. What is it an Orc enjoys as a treat little one? I would never poison you or anyone, I am a peaceful soul.

[zekeen]

Just be GLAD he doesn't have a sweet tooth......... if he had any sugar food like honey...... there'd be nothing holding him back...

[Schlitzie]

Solange, orc children, rare as they are, usually prefer meatier snacks....they sometimes carry dead rats in their knapsacks for munching on the go.....and for slinging at people they find a distaste for.....also animal brains are a rare and tasty snack for young orcs which they often refer to as "sweet breadz".

And Erg, ya better mind yerself, or I'm gonna get me belt on ya!

[zekeen]

AKA- Solanghe, carry jerky or face orc children's wrath of rat flinging

[Solanghe]

Ah, thank you for the education Zek and Schilitzie. I will add a bowl of jerky to my table as little Erg burst in on me for a visit yesterday and I believe I will need it to win him over *smile*. Dead rats I'm sure are not trouble to find. Er...animal brains *swallow* may be a bit more difficult...